Rugby. Swimming. Lacrosse. Hockey. Sumo Wrestling. Bobsledding. Cricket. Table Tennis. Polo. Water Polo. Water anything. These are the things which I feel we are deprived of as a school, and thus we lack fun.

It’s hard to imagine the reasoning behind not having teams for sports such as lacrosse and rugby. If enough people played then it wouldn’t be a terrible cost to start a team. Maybe we don’t have the teams in the region to oppose. But hey, that just means we win ten times out of ten. Go bulldogs. Maybe—just maybe—it has something to do with the fact that these are two incredibly violent pastimes. Rugby is sort of like a strange combination of football and soccer in which a football-shaped ball is kicked, thrown, and many other verbs across a field to make it into a goal post. And lacrosse involves sticks and lots of tackling. The point of the game is to use a stick which allows you to sling the round ball to each other and into a goal using whatever means possible. Physical violence and injury always makes for an interesting hobby. Count me in.

Now what about water sports? They’re swell. Constant risk of asphyxiation via water. Again, I don’t know that we’d have enough competition in our region. But also again, no chance of losing. How cool is that? Pretty cool. Water sports are a really good way to stay fit, and they’re just a lot of fun. Look at Marco Polo and tell me how you didn’t have a wonderful pool experience as a child. Can’t do it.

Now, the serious stuff. Hockey. It is a neat sport. It’s a lot of body checking people against windows and knocking teeth out, and a little bit of hitting a puck into a net. Why can we not? Maybe I see why.

And sumo wrestling. Come on. Please.

Overall, let’s just agree that we need to get some cool stuff in our school. How much fun would it be if we all got to run around beating each other with lacrosse sticks and tripping and tackling everyone in sight? Holy cow. That’d be nifty.